Januray 2019
GROW
Ill get better at writing on time. Still need to close out December… that will be an ode to my 1 true love Evan Bryan Hill.
On to January a new start a fresh year, clean slate, endless possibilities and opportunities. Well that’s every day right, or minute…there is always time to change or grow; we dot need for a full trip around the sun to get after our goals whatever they may be.
6-month marker too; kind of a big mile stone also kind of inconsequential lol
This month I took a trip home for NYE, rang it in Montana style by a fire pit with my little brother😊
Came back and kept after a master bath remodel, not sure the future of this house; whether ill sell it but doesn’t hurt to have a DIY project to keep my mind focused.
Lots of love and laughter with the Man Cub its pretty could out this year, so we hit up all the good indoor play grounds and spent a lot of time dance fighting in the Big Boy House 😊
He’s so so smart I’m so glad I was able to get him in a daycare/preschool it was worth the arguing between lawyers. Every day he comes home he’s got the cutest art projects they melt my heart. I love spending time with him going over ABCs, writing and working on math.
This month he had a big of a cold with a ton of coughing so much so that he vomited. My first ever sick kid ALONE! YESSSSSSSS. My time to shine! No one telling me I’m doing it wrong or how to do it. Surprise surprise I did it just like my mom 😊, lots of fluids, lots of snuggles, some bland food and a puke bowl by the bed lol. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the struggle, when things are hard when he needs me more than ever (be it sick or homework frustration) I can not express how much I value being the one to help him through and how much strong our connection becomes hoe we grow together almost wrap around each other like 2 vines growing up an old porch banister.
Another great month all things considered. I still want more time with him, more chances to kiss him hug him tell him his daddy loves him, more chances to be his rock, to lead and mentor him through his life journey all the while learning from him about myself as we go.
Divorce with kids is hard, whoever says its not is silly. I haven’t been able to see Maddie other than in passing for 7 months:/ my heart aches a little just writing that. It’s so interesting to journal your thoughts I have periods of liberation and intense optimism as well as periods of fear and sadness. So much satisfaction comes from doing everything myself, being the mom and the dad, while uber rewarding in one sense its so hollow in another.
All part of the process, some call it healing, some call it growing. Guess it’s part of the LIFE process all stimulation isn’t good but all stimulation gives us the opportunity to grow or wither.
I WILL GROW
WE ARE BIG BOYS